Three Strategies for Surviving the Holidays — According to a USF Stress Researcher

December 20, 2023 – Sarasota

The winter holidays remind us of the value of spending time with loved ones, embracing the spirit of giving, celebrating new beginnings and setting intentions for the new year. But, for many, the holidays are a time of great stress, brought on by complex family dynamics, financial tensions and other seasonal challenges.

“The holidays bring extra demands,” said Lisa Penney, a stress researcher at the University of South Florida Sarasota-Manatee. “We tend to go all out because it’s tradition. We don’t consciously stop and think about it. We jump into autopilot, and we don’t notice how much it’s costing us or how exhausted it’s making us.” 

The goal, according to Penney, isn’t to avoid stress entirely, but to adjust our expectations accordingly.

“We’ll enjoy the holidays more if we create more balance,” Penney said. “This requires pausing to ask ourselves what we have, what we need and what we truly want to give.”

Penney offered three strategies for surviving the holidays that emphasize looking closely at what’s being demanded of us and what we choose to take on. The strategies are: 

 PRACTICE YOUR ABCs 

In her 2019 TedTalk, “Don’t believe everything you think,” Penney uses a mnemonic to help the audience break free from the way the brain operates under stress: Be aware, breathe and be curious.

“Ask yourself, ‘What’s the story I’m telling myself?’ and ‘Is it true?’” she said. “And remember, thoughts that are familiar will feel true, so don’t stop there.” 

These ABCs helped Penney and her family break free from burdensome holiday traditions. It wasn’t until Penney and her family stopped to ask themselves whether they even enjoyed turkey, stuffing and mashed potatoes that they realized they’d all prefer something else. 

“We had a real, honest conversation,” said Penney, whose family now celebrates the holidays with phở — her mother’s specialty.  

 LET GO OF PERFECTION 

Next, Penney recommends focusing on what is it we really want from experiences we might find stressful. 

Unlike the turkey and mashed potatoes, Penney loved baking holiday cookies from scratch and wanted to share that with her niece. She quickly realized it was more of a chore than a joy.

“The most fun part for us was cutting out the cookies and decorating them. That was a creative exercise that we would do together,” Penney said.

Now, instead of making cookies from scratch with her niece, who often fell asleep partway through the process, Penney uses store-bought cookie dough. 

“It’s much faster, easier and we can get to the fun part sooner,” she said. 

IT’S OK TO NOT BE OK 

According to Penney, it’s perfectly normal to experience sadness and grief — especially around the winter holidays. 

“These emotions are a natural by-product of the ebb and flow of life and, for many people, myself included, they are particularly salient this time of year,” Penney said. “Like all things, they come, and they go.”

Penney recommends we show ourselves kindness and compassion and give ourselves permission to sit with our feelings, whatever shape they might take. 

“If you’re not happy, that’s OK,” Penney said. “Remember, that’s not all there is, and you’re not alone.” 

Penney is a professor in the School of Information Systems and Management in the Muma College of Business at USF Sarasota-Manatee. Her research on mindfulness, decision-making and performance outcomes was featured in Momentum magazine. Her TedTalk, “Don’t believe everything you think,” has been viewed over 50,000 times.